I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize