Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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