i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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