The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize