you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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