Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Holy sore nipples Batman
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize