Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize