It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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