And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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