so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
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Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize