My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is the high leading the old right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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