You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Acid is not a monday night drug
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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