I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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