she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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