I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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