so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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