Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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