im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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