His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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