you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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