rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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