so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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