went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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