the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize