Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize