Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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