maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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