Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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