WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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