Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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