kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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