I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize