The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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