you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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