State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize