i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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