If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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