Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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