ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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