if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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