I smell stomach acid.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize