Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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