all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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