Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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