There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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