In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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