Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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