I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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