I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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