he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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